Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
