I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
