My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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