You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
