Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
