I have demons in me.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
