Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
