Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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