We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
