you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
