bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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