How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
