your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
