I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
