What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
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