Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
