hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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