I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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