I'm so fucking centered right now
I've blown a few things in my day
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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