What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
