If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
