rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
