I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
