Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And then my night got REAL pukey
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
