I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
