The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
