The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
