Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
