I cut my penus on the lid.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who died my cat blue again?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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