Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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