Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
