I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
