I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
