capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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