I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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