he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
