No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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