my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
