i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
