my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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