Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
