Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
