dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
