the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
