Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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