Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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