I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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