weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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