I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
