this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
